I have a hard time keeping track of what’s okay to share online and what’s not. That’s the never-ending puzzle of my generation. But in any case, I am now officially in my mid-20s. Since this is a pivotal part of my life, I want to share a few lessons I’ve learned in my early 20s and some experiences I’m looking forward to as I grow older.
Observations from my early 20s
1. It’s okay to not know what you’re doing and just go with the flow.
Ever since the middle of high school, I thought I had my entire life charted out. I’d go to college and major in English and then head straight to law school, preferably in a happening city like LA or NYC. I’d grind as a hotshot junior partner in some glass-window corporate firm, while also somehow finding the time to moonlight as a semi-famous-but-still-underground musician and go on dates with my stunning, equally driven partner.
Needless to say, that’s not exactly how things have panned out. I derailed off-track as soon as I became an English Major and now I’m working a career that I didn’t even know existed three years ago. But I’m so glad that I let myself pivot and explore new options. I think I’m so much happier now than I would have been in law school. Now my future plan is a lot more amorphous and I’m still learning to be at peace with uncertainty. But I don’t regret any of the decisions that have led me to where I am now. I love my life right now. I have (a least a little more) faith that everything will turn out just fine.
2. Comparing yourself to others (especially starting in your 20s) just doesn’t make sense.
In America, until you graduate from high school, everyone in your age group is expected to have similar routines and priorities. You wake up, eat breakfast, go to school most every weekday, participate in extracurriculars, come back home, eat dinner, do homework, go to bed, and repeat the cycle. Everything you do up until you graduate high school is to prepare you for higher education or the workforce.
Then suddenly everyone veers off into their own unique path. By the time I graduated college, I knew one girl my age who was married, one girl who had two years left to complete her degree, and one girl who graduated early and was already one year into her corporate job.
I used to (and still kind of do) hate being on social media because I see highlight reels of people my age living in big cities, partying, or falling in love and I feel so behind. But when I take a step back, I wonder how I'm measuring progress? What standard am I falling behind of?
I don't even know what I'm trying to measure myself against.
I'm realizing that there’s no clear linear path I’m supposed to follow and no one person I’m supposed to be. If I think back to who I was in high school compared to now, I have evolved so much. I have no doubt that I’ll be a completely different person when I’m 30. If it’s this difficult to keep track of who I am and will be over the years, I can’t imagine how exhausting it would be to try and stay on top of what everyone else my age is doing.
It’s still hard for me to feel like I’m ever doing enough, but I’m working on self-acceptance. Overall, I’m happy with where I am in life and feel like I’m on the right path to becoming the best version of myself. I'm no longer aspiring to become the prototypically successful twenty-something, whatever that even looks like. I’m grateful for the experiences that have put me on my current path and I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone else.
3. Being shy and introverted are not the same thing.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve started to realize that I am much more extroverted than I’d originally thought. I have been convinced almost all of my life that I am heavily introverted, but really I’m somewhere right in the middle of the spectrum.
I struggled with periods of social anxiety, especially as a teenager and young adult. Because I was too anxious to put myself out there, I started to believe that I simply didn't enjoy socializing. I'd sit in the corner by myself at a party, convinced that I was too shy to make any connections and that I would rather be alone. But this line of thinking left me feeling deeply unfulfilled and lonely.
I realized sometime last year that I'd changed significantly since I was a child. When I was little, I was honestly a bit of a smart ass. I was the bossy friend who made my friends cry from time to time. I was loud, assertive, and a trendsetter. As I grew older, I became more mature, more socially cognizant. I developed more tact, became better at sharing, softened my rough edges. I no longer make my friends cry (at least in a mean way). But somewhere I lost that audacity and strong sense of self. I realized that I naturally desire a certain level of socialization that I wasn't allowing myself to receive because I had retreated so far into my own shell.
This realization actually helped me overcome my social anxiety. I needed to step out of my comfort zone to truly feel fulfilled. I can still get overwhelmed at big parties or events, but I've made some deep connections with lovely people and I try to meet friends a few times a week to keep myself afloat.
4. You’re not an indolent, apathetic sheep if you like your 9-to-5 job.
I, like many Zoomers, have fantasized about entrepreneurship and influencing and sponsorships and travel. Sometimes on a cold, rainy morning, I wake up to the dismal sound of my alarm and wonder what it would be like to not have to work a rigid schedule. But honestly, I feel like my 9-5 job has afforded me more flexibility, opportunities, and experiences, rather than detracting from my life.
First and foremost, I am very lucky to have a job that I love. I really enjoy copywriting and I love the people on my team. They are creatively nurturing and inspiring people.
Also, since I'm living at home currently, I'm able to save for retirement while also investing in experiences like concerts and weekends getaways. I feel like my job affords me the ability to live my twenties to the fullest.
Ironically, I've felt more productive and fulfilled since starting my job. Something about the structure of a corporate job pushes you to become better at time management outside of work. I have gotten a graduate certificate and started a music side hustle while working my job.
I think that my music career is scratching my entreprenurial itch for now. Although I want to scale and grow my musical pursuits, I don't feel pressured to replace my "day job." I worked hard to get my job and I'm proud of the work I do. There's nothing wrong with being perfectly content with your 9-5. In fact, it's a wonderful position to be in.
5. It’s weird not being the youngest generation anymore.
I'm in the older bracket of Gen Z, barely cut off from being a millenial. Even within my generation, I've had moments where I feel out of touch. I still like cat eyeliner and side parts. Sue me.
Now I'm not even a part of the youngest generation. I wonder when Gen Alpha will be old enough to start poking fun at Gen Z. I wonder what clothes will start to go out of style, what jokes will become cringy, what once-progressive ideologies will become tradition.
Beyond the superficial concerns, so much of my life I centered my identity and sense of worth around being the “young one” in the room. The rocketship with infinite potential. Now I’m getting to an age where I won’t always be the youngest person anymore. Maybe it's just impostor syndrome, but for years I've felt like people tend to go easy on me because I come across as a naive, young girl. I'm scared for when I'm not just seen as "potential" anymore. I need to live up to the potential now.
What if I can't?
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What I hope to gain as the older, wiser me
1. Disentangling my self worth from work and achievement
For most of my life, I have always equated my self-worth and identity with whatever I was "doing" at the moment. If I had good grades, regular social activities, and a fitness routine, not only was I doing good things, I was a good person.
During lockdown, I struggled severely with my sense of self because there was not much I could do stuck at home. In these few months I was exposed to the concept of Presence through Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. Sometimes I have a hard time wading through this sort of neo-spiritual jargon, but A New Earth is still one of my favorite books. It changed the way I saw everything.
I've embarked on a philosophical quest to read the foundational spiritual texts that have inspired New Age ideologies, including the Tao Te Ching and Bhagavad Gita. These texts are helping me internalize the fact that I am separate from the things I do and the places I am at.
I still struggle with not letting my achievements get to my head or my pitfalls impact my self-confidence. But I hope as I grow older and more mature I will become more patient with myself.
2. Navigating changing friendships with marriage and career shifts
One of my best friends is getting engaged soon. I'm thrilled for her and excited to be a part of this pivotal moment in her life. But part of me is scared of how our relationship will change over the next few years. I don't think marriage in and of itself will change us too much, but selfishly, I worry that once she has kids she won't have time for me anymore.
It's already been tough dealing with my close friends moving all over the country after college. I'm really lucky in that I've found a few key friends who are as interested in keeping in touch with me as I am with them. But I know that our 20s will be full of huge life shifts that could put these connections to the test.
No matter what, I'm so proud of my friends and everything they've achieved. I will always love them dearly even if we drift apart over the years. I hope I will be able to handle these transitions with grace.
3. Asserting clear boundaries and owning my power
As I mentioned earlier, I had no problem being assertive and standing up for myself as a child. Over the years I've been conditioned to appease the people around me and make everyone else comfortable at the expense of my own desires.
I hope that I get older I will care less about what other people think of me and feel more comfortable taking up space. I want to post singing videos without being scared that people will think I'm stiff and awkward. I want to express my creative ideas and not qualify them with "but it's okay if you don't like it." I want to stop laughing at rude comments and offensive jokes to avoid an awkward situation.
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Overall, I'm really excited and scared for the rest of my 20s. It's crazy to think that I could be anywhere in the world doing anything a year from now. I don't even know for sure where I'll be tomorrow. I'm just going to continue doing the things I love with the people I love and see where the years take me. Thanks for being along for the ride.
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