One of the most wonderful and surprising things to come out of 2023 has been the resurgence of my music career. I went from having completely abandoned my musical pursuits to now being a singer and guitarist in a band, as well as a solo vocalist for hire.
The progress I've made this year feels like a gust of wind blowing in a vacuum chamber--impossible, confusing, and invigorating. But really, my current career boils down to a series of small actions and serendipitous connections that have now coalesced into something greater.
I have always loved music, but I didn't take it seriously as a side career until 2020, when the pandemic left me with too much time on my hands for overzealous introspection. I started my music social media accounts, learned how to produce songs on GarageBand, and found a voice teacher. I was on a roll, posting consistently and writing songs every day. I would work on my voice at least an hour every day and felt my singing improving exponentially.
Then real life kicked back in again. My college campus opened back up and I had to get used to attending classes in person and living with roommates again. During lockdown, I had been creating in a void, blissfully unaware of the faceless people who watched my content. Now that I was fully reintegrated into college life, I suddenly felt cripplingly self-conscious of people watching or listening to my voice. I didn't even feel comfortable practicing in my bedroom.
Plus, I only had one year left of my college experience and the last thing I wanted to do was spend half of it cooped up in the back of my bedroom closet, singing into my iPhone GarageBand app.
So I stopped writing songs as often. I stopped posting online. I stopped practicing singing. And I lived my last year of college as fully as I could.
After I graduated, I could barely keep up with the sudden changes in my life, definitive endings and stressful, beautiful new beginnings. But soon the dust settled and I started my current role as a full-time in-house copywriter (and I love it!). I started to feel more acutely the emptiness in my routine that music used to fill.
On New Years this year, I decided to rekindle my love for music at a slow, easy, gentle pace. I still didn't feel like I had fully recovered from the chaotic previous year, so I needed an action plan with a great deal of patience built into it. I chose to make a habit of engaging with music in some way for at least half an hour everyday.
Some days, I would listen actively to my favorite songs during my commute. Other days I'd just run through a few vocal exercises. During this time, I had also reconnected with a friend from high school (we'll call him R) and we'd have jam sessions every once in a while.
R and I made a great songwriting team. He's a much better guitar player and composer than I am, but I have a good ear for melody and lyrics. We started to meet more often. Having a friend to play music with boosted my motivation to practice tenfold, so I bumped up my daily music engagement time to one hour. It was during these few months that I really started to feel like myself again.
I sensed that I was showing up differently in my everyday environment, with a more open, creative, self-assured energy. I even felt like I was getting better at my corporate job, that my burgeoning sense rhythm and lyricism was feeding into my copywriting.
One evening in April, R texted me out of the blue and asked if I would be interested in singing background vocals for a new band's showcase. My gut immediately said "YES," so I said "YES." I showed up at the address he texted me that Saturday afternoon with annotated sheet music and an outfit that took me two hours to pick out.
I felt immediately at home in the band and connected to the music that the lead singer had chosen for the show. It felt too good to be true at the time, but following the showcase, I was asked to stay in the band and play guitar. I even sing some lead vocals now! Since the first showcase, we've picked out an official name (Indigo Avenue), started playing bigger venues, and started writing songs together. Through the connections I've made within the band, at gigs, and in the community, I've also been able to take on solo projects and gigs.
In 2021, I felt like I had lost the ability to connect with others and that creative proficiency and growth had to happen in isolation. I was afraid to take up space, to be heard. But now, my community feels nourishing, loving, and supportive--it's the best part of my music career. I have grown to love meeting new people and I do my best to put myself in positions where I'm seen and I can grow.
I think that's the biggest lesson I've learned over the past couple of years. The pandemic left me (and many, many others) socially stunted and unbalanced. It's taken me a year of being gentle with myself and opening myself up again to realize the importance of community, as well as the power of music in bringing people together. I don't ever want to create in complete isolation again. There's nothing that feels quite as incredible as creating art with people you love and admire.
I'm so grateful for these incredible experiences that I've been gifted, thanks to gentle habits and good friends. I'm excited to see what opportunities come my way as I continue to grow and open myself up to new connections.
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