I feel like every third person I talk to my age is living back home with their parents. I myself been at home for a couple of years now, and I'm finally starting to look into apartments and weigh my options.
First off, I should clarify that I'm living at home for convenience and financial goals, not necessarily because I need to. I have a full-time job in marketing and growing side hustle in music, so I could definitely support myself. I'm also very grateful to have a good relationship with my parents, who are financially stable. These factors, I think, make a huge difference in your living situation. I haven't come across too many people who are living at home out of choice, not by necessity, and I wanted to share my experience.
A major reason I moved back in was to build up a robust emergency fund and start aggressively saving and investing. I won't lie, having a full-time job as a single, childless woman living at home is pretty cushy. But, although I have been able to save a good amount, I have also fallen victim to lifestyle creep. I live a lifestyle that would probably not be sustainable if I had to pay my own rent, bills, and groceries. I recognize that I am extremely lucky for my financial situation, especially with the current job market. I try not to take it for granted.
I do have a level of anxiety about what my lifestyle will be like once I move out. I'm sure I'd be fine, especially with how much I've been saving, but I know I'd have to give up some comforts to support myself. I feel shallow even admitting this fear, because again, I know that I am blessed to even have a full-time job and financially stable parents who enjoy having me home.
Although I'm financially worry-free, living at home can feel restricting. I live in a multigenerational home, with a younger brother, my parents, and my mom's parents. This is a beautiful, culturally enriching environment. I love our family dinners together, I love hearing my grandparents' blasting Indian dramas downstairs, and I love inviting myself into my brother's room and annoying him.
But with so many people under roof, I do have to deal with a lot of opinions (often, lovingly, unsolicited) about how I live my life. It took several months of uncomfortable conversations before my parents, and grandparents especially, came around to me being in a band with only boys and being out late for gigs and practice. Even now I often change into my gig clothes in my car.
I don't feel comfortable spontaneously meeting up with friends late at night like I would have in college. I miss being able to host dinner parties and letting people crash on my couch. I definitely don't feel comfortable dating and having to explain my living situation to men. I do worry that I'm missing out on some of the fun, reckless adventures that people in their 20s are supposed to have. It's strange being able to pay for spontanous trips, concerts, and nights out, but not feeling comfortable doing it. But who knows, maybe I'm just saving myself from trouble.
I know my family is doing the best they can. This living situation is confusing for everyone involved. I left home a teenager and came back a full adult, developed prefrontal cortex and all. But parents don't stop being parents when their children are grown. I feel myself revert back to my high school self when I'm home--I'm more moody, introverted, and definitely spoiled. This isn't anyone's fault; it's just easy to settle back into old patterns when you're back in your childhood environment.
I know my family just wants what is best for me. But what's best for me has changed significantly since I was a teen. As an adult, I know my physical, mental, and emotional needs better than anyone else in my life. I cherish my family's love and support, but I don't need their guidance as much as I used to. I need to be able to make decisions for myself and stand firm in them, even if my family thinks I'm making mistakes. Even if I am making mistakes.
We're all navigating this confusing dynamic one day at a time. Things do feel better and easier. But I also recognize that there are some experiences that I just can't have while living at home. No matter how comfortable I'm becoming with my family, I still need my own space to truly live completely and authentically as my adult self. I think my relationship with my family is as healthy as it can be while I'm living at home; I think it can be even healthier once I've moved out. I don't think I'll ever feel like I've saved "enough," but I'm ready to feel like a full-fledged adult, whatever that means. And I'll always be grateful for and cherish the time I spent back in my childhood home.
Onwards and upwards!
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