Since 2020, I have embarked on a self-improvement journey. I started my music career, began consistently working out, dramatically reduced my screen time, and more. I feel like I have optimized my life in almost every way and am so proud of the progress I’ve made.
But 5 years into this process, I’m now wondering—when does it end?
It’s fun and gratifying to focus on myself and my growth and make and check goals. But there will always be new benchmarks to hit, new goals to aspire to, new versions of self to become.
I have always prided myself on having a strong work ethic, having a lot of energy and motivation for self-improvement. But now I think much of that “energy” and “motivation” was coming from the wrong emotional place. I have been feeling like I don’t deserve success, fulfillment, and abundance unless I have somehow “mastered” every part of my life. This feeling of never being enough fueled me to dig in and relentlessly work on myself.
This way of thinking is most definitely a product of being raised in a capitalistic culture, one that feeds off of insecurity, off the grunt work and labor of people who never realize that they are actually good enough—that they have always been good enough.
So I have officially ended my self-improvement era and entered my radical self-acceptance era. It feels so wonderful and freeing to choose to love and accept myself as I am. I am absolutely good enough to continue to have a stake in the music industry, I am absolutely good enough to have a wide and deep support network, I am absolutely good enough to feel fulfilled and whole and abundant.
Now what does this radical self-acceptance look like each day? I’ve been a lot more aware of subtle shifts in my emotions throughout the day. As soon as I feel anxious, angry, or stressed, I step back and really let myself feel into the emotion. Then I’ll probe a little deeper and try to figure out what the root cause of the emotion is. Emotions are powerful indicators of the underlying beliefs that guide our decisions each day. And usually, if you dig into an unpleasant feeling enough, you’ll find that the core belief has something to do with not feeling enough or fear of being fully perceived as yourself. From there, you get to choose whether you will continue to let that core belief run your life. This process takes some patience and diligence, but it has absolutely been a game changer. I am just so much more at peace. I can genuinely say, I am the happiest I’ve ever been.
It’s actually pretty wild how random things in my life have propelled forward as I’ve accepted myself and my reality as being good enough. With music, I am redoing my branding, planning photoshoots, working on 4-5 different songs, and getting my sync licensing together. I randomly decided to run a 10k on a Sunday morning. Even my romantic prospects have blossomed (that’s all the detail you get for now). Everything is still working and moving forward, but just in a way that feels easy, natural, and unhurried! And the best part is, even if none of these circumstances were moving forward, I’d still feel complete and at peace!
This blog post is probably a little boring if you don’t already know or care about who I am. But that’s kind of the point. I’m just really in a good spot with myself and my life right now. I’m excited for my life to continue to unfold and to be witness to it all! Being alive is truly a blessing that I hope I never take for granted.
Have a great day, Stranger <3
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